Approximately one in six men and 1in5 women in our country are sexually abused in childhood, a reality with detrimental effects on the individual and society.
Shame, stigma, fear, and ignorance continue to veil this issue, contributing to a survivor’s silence and discouraging them from seeking help. Many men beginning to take the difficult step of breaking silence will often face the unfortunate reality of lack of resources and counseling services in their communities. Since sexual assault and domestic violence centers around the U.S., were originally designed for women and children, they most often don’t have services that adequately address the distinct needs of men sexually abused as boys. Those existing services, though limited, are often under funded. Male child sexual abuse is still a taboo and deeply misunderstood subject. As Tony says in our documentary, Boys and Men Healing, “when I called crisis centers, they always thought I was a perpetrator. I’d tell them, I’m not a perpetrator, I was raped as a boy.”
Oprah Winfrey aired two shows about male survivors of child sexual abuse on November 5th and 12th. Tony, one of the men in our film, Boys and Men Healing was in a brief interview in the beginning of the show, and Mark Crawford, another man featured in our film was one of 200 male survivors who have been invited to be in the audience. We hope the show has reached many men and their partners, and mostly, has helped them feel more safe to speak out and seek help.
The Oprah Winfrey Show has resources on their website, yet in the coming months we’ll be posting additional valuable resources, including websites, books, hotline numbers and other helpful sites for men to turn to for support. We hope these resources will help men to begin to feel they are not alone, and that it is possible to reclaim their lives hope these resources will encourage loved ones and allies in healing to understand and support these courageous men during their journey toward wholeness.
Beyond Betrayal, by Richard Gartner Ph.D
Dr. Richard Gartner is a pioneer in the field and leading psychologist and psychoanalyst.
This classic book provides empowering action steps and written specifically for survivors of male sexual abuse as well as their spouses, partners, and loved ones, Beyond Betrayal is based on my decades of experience as a psychologist, psychoanalyst, and advocate for sexually abused men. Covering both male and female abuse of boys and young men, I explore the different types of abuse and explain how as a child one trusts out of necessity-and how the betrayal of that trust ravages one’s self-concept as a man while also wreaking havoc on one’s relationships. In reading this book, you’ll discover how to safely experience emotions again and relate to others with confidence and security. The book will also help you shed the long-held conviction that you can either be a man or a victim but not both, and will teach you how to determine who you really are and develop new, more flexible concepts of masculinity. Beyond Betrayal shows you that you can take charge of your recovery while living your life to its fullest potential 1998.
Recent Book by Mike Lew
Leaping Upon the Mountains: Men Proclaiming Victory over Sexual Child Abuse, by Mike Lew
Mike Lew, author of Victims No Longer, an invaluable resource which continues to offer compassionate and practical advice for male survivors, now offers his long awaited second book focuses on the reality of recovery. It’s information comes directly from the experts-male survivors who have “engaged in a visible process of change -courageously, persistently, and triumphantly.”
Readers will discover:
Insights and resources for stages of recovery, inspiring messages from other male survivors, a large updated resource section providing concrete help to survivors and professionals, and ways of reconnecting with reader’s own strength and creativity.
Evicting the Perpetrator: A Male Survivor Guide to Recovery from Child Abuse Sexual Abuse, by Ken Singer
This book is getting rave reviews!
A Male Survivor’s Guide to Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse. This new book for male survivors offers a unique perspective about moving past the ways abusers can control a survivor’s life for years after the abuse. Through exercises and assignments, survivors will learn how to retake control of their lives. Ken Singer offers clear insights and useful advice about how to support a victim’s recovery. Professionals working with survivors (and perpetrators who were sexually abused) and their families will find this a useful addition to their library.
Chris Thomas gave the book 5 Stars on Amazon. He says, The book is a “thorough treatment of a deep and complicated issue and it explores just about every nook and cranny–it does not leave any stone unturned. Ken Singer does this in a logical, concrete, very detailed, and easy-to-understand manner that pretty much anyone can readily comprehend. This book is an eye-opener as it attempts to answer just about any questions or concerns a male victim may have about this issue and its resolution process.”
Recovering the Soul after Religious Abuse: The Dark Heaven of Recovery by Mikele Rauch
This important resource for clergy abuse survivors and allies in healing speaks about he impact of religious abuse not only on the psyche but the soul, and how to recover the deepest parts of the self, rediscover the sacred within or without the institutions of religion, and create meaning again.
There are powerful interviews with persons from all five religions, who were survivors of sexual, physical and ritual abuse, as well as homophobia, racism, sexism and misogyny in religious cultures. It looks at shame and its place in individual development and religious community. Healing the Soul explores leadership and narcissism in religious clergy, especially the powerful and potential dangerous connection between spiritual guide and those he or she serves. There is also a special section for Buddhist and Hindus about the guru disciple relationship and how abuses happen there. The book grapples with the paradox of “holiness” and spiritual stature, and how persons with such stature still are capable of doing harm.
Healing the Soul has both a personal story and a larger viewpoint, clinically and spiritually, about hope and possibilities in the face of darkness and alienation.
It is a must-read book for recovering Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, those who have suffered in cults, and for the clinicians and clergy who work with them.
Mikele Rauch has treated survivors of religious and clergy abuse across the gamut of religions. She is a member of the Core Facilitator Team for the MaleSurvivor.org Weekends of Recovery for men who are survivors of sexual and clergy abuse, and has served on the Clergy Sexual Abuse Victim’s Rights Committee of Boston. She has written for CANDID, the Missouri Review, the National Catholic Reporter, Cross Currents Magazine, Healing Ministry, and The New Therapist Magazine.
Males at risk: The other side of child sexual abuse
Frank G. Bolton Jr., Larry A. Morris & Ann E. MacEachron
Sage Publications 1989
Males at Risk by leaders in the field is a broad view of male’s socialization and victimization and the results of various forms of sexual abuse of male children. Includes a look at the abuse of sexuality an it’s effects. Offers a model for treatment plans.
Boys Don’t Tell: Ending the Silence of Abuse, Randy Ellison
Recounting the author’s journey through a minefield based on his own denial, Boys Don’t Tell takes a subjective look back at a life distorted by the effects of childhood sexual abuse and offers insight on why victims find it so difficult to “just get over it and move on.” Through the eyes and emotions of the author, this book reveals his abuse as a teenager by a trusted minister and mentor, then recounts years of therapy, a formal complaint to The Church, and a lawsuit settled in mediation.
Excruciatingly honest, Boys Don’t Tell creates an openness that can facilitate healing in others giving a voice to an estimated 20 million male survivors, and offers loved ones, professionals, church and organizational leaders the opportunity to understand the impact of child sexual abuse
Allies in Healing, by Laura Davis
This classic written by author of Courage to Heal and many other books about healing from child sexual abuse, will help anyone in partnership with a survivor.
As the problem of child sexual abuse has come out of the closet, there is one group that has been consistently overlooked: the partner of survivors-girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, and lovers. Allies in Healing speaks directly to the confusion, bewilderment, anger, and frustration of these partners. Based on in-depth interviews, Laura Davis offers practical advice and encouragement to all partners trying to support the steps in their loved one’s path to recovery, as well as tend to their own needs along the way. She shows couples how to deepen compassion, improve communication, and develop an understanding of healing as a shared activity.
If the Man You Love Was Abused: A Couple’s Guide to Healing, Marlene M. Browne
The scars left on the hearts and souls of childhood abuse survivors run deep. They require time, patience and loving support to heal. Finally, “If the Man You Love Was Abused” offers a lifeline for the men who suffered childhood abuse, and the people who love them. This book will teach readers to: get the support that the survivor needs; make sure loved ones don’t neglect their own needs; and, determine when, and how, to seek professional help.
When a Man You Love was Abused by Cecil Murphy
For all women who know and love a survivor of sexual assault, the book helps women understand the continuing problems that abuse survivors may encounter, fear of homosexuality, inability to trust, numbed or frozen feelings, hurtful memories, issues of self worth, and the need to feel in control. Informative and highly practical, Murphy explains what women can do to help bring about healing and forgiveness. Written with the empathy that only a true survivor can convey, When a Man You Love Was Abused is a timely piece of advice and encouragement.
Resources for Abuse in the Military:
Honor Betrayed, by Mic Hunter
Over the years the media has continued to report on sexual abuse scandals in the military; whether at West Point, Tailhook, or the Air Force Academy the stories are the same – discrimination, harassment, even rape. Military and civilian leaders respond that the claims are exaggerated or merely the result of “a few bad apples.” Although investigations are held and policies issued, little significant change to the culture of the military takes place. Dr. Hunter goes behind the headlines to examine the underlying factors that, not only contribute to, but actually encourage, sexual abuse in the military. Honor Betrayed examines how traditional military training leads to the creation of an environment hostile to men perceived to be homosexual and to all women. Honor Betrayed includes numerous first-person accounts of American servicewomen and men who were sexually abused by their comrades, including one woman’s case that was heard before the U.S. Supreme Court. Dr. Hunter describes how wide spread sexual abuse contributed to the recent prisoner abuse scandal in Iraq. Honor Betrayed does more than identify the problem. Hunter provides specific actions the military can take to reduce the incidence of sexual abuse and thereby improve the mission readiness and effectiveness of the armed forces to face the challenges of the 21st century.
Honor Betrayed challenges readers to set aside pre-conceived notions of sexual behavior in the military. In this pioneering effort, Dr. Hunter presents an excellent blend of history, research and personal accounts. Written to empower, Hunter argues that military leaders can promote the changes necessary to make the military a safer place for those who serve and make our country safer. This book is an important and long overdue resource for anyone interested in an incisive look at the dynamics and impact of sexual abuse in the military. Honor Betrayed belongs in the library of any practitioner who treats victims of military sexual abuse, as well as military officials who set policy over such matters.
We can’t say enough about the committed team at 1in6.org and the comprehensive and quality services they offer. 1in6 is an organization pioneering a movement that envisions a future, worldwide, where men can feel safe to begin healing, and find easy access to services and resources where they can receive the support they need and deserve.
Who They are
The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives. To address the gap in services available to our target population, 1in6 offers a dynamic and information-rich web site, effective support models and training resources for therapists and services providers, and community outreach and education programming.
Who They Serve
The number of men who have had experiences that can be defined as sexual abuse is conservatively estimated at one in six. Research indicates that most men who have had such experiences don’t begin to deal with the negative effects until they are in their late 30s, 40s and 50s. In the hope that male survivors will start their process of recovery sooner, Their programs and outreach primarily focus on those between the ages of 18 and 30. However, their services are available to all ages and no one seeking assistance will be turned away.
Why They Exist
1in6 believes that educational information and motivational outreach must be available to help male survivors to deal with their earlier sexual abuse and its lingering consequences in adulthood. Postponement of the recovery process can result in a ‘life half lived,’ with the lingering pain and anger manifesting in lost relationships, isolation, and a variety of health and mental health problems. 1in6 services cast a wide net, embracing the Internet’s capacity to reach out to large numbers of individuals struggling with this issue. Our community education and outreach efforts also serve a wide range of service providers already assisting our target population with a host of health and mental health issues related to their childhood sexual abuse.
What They Do:
1in6 programming consisting of the following components:
1. Web-based Information and Services
Developed by issue expert Jim Hopper, PhD of Harvard University, 1in6 offers a website (www.1in6.org) that is at the forefront of informational resources available for men dealing with childhood sexual abuse and for their loved ones. The website contains all the information and encouragement that a man might need to get started in dealing with this difficult issue, as well as relevant resources to support him in this effort. The website currently offers:
- Dynamic features such an online resource lending library (making some of the 29 titles available cost-free to those who need them)
- The 1in6 Online SUPPORT LINE offering one-on-one assistance catered to the needs of site users.
Click here for SUPPORT LINE:
2. Educational Information and Training Resources
Partnering with the RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) and The Men’s Project of Ottawa, 1in6 is developing a technical assistance toolkit of educational resources and service training models. The toolkit is designed to broaden service providers’ understanding of the wide-ranging, lifelong impacts of male childhood sexual abuse, and increase their awareness of how those impacts are frequently masked by other presenting problems. 1in6 also offers two day, quarterly trainings for therapists and other service providers to receive in-depth education and practice in utilizing these technical assistance supports. These efforts will focus on enhancing the training of clinicians and service providers and enriching the resource safety net available to male survivors.
3. Community Education and Outreach
1in6 will implement two phases of Community Education and Outreach targeted at groups of men identified as being high risk for engagement in harmful behaviors linked to their childhood sexual abuse. The first phase (commencing in 2010) will work directly with service providers who have the greatest access to our target population and link them to the educational and training resources that will improve their capacity to effectively serve male survivors. The second phase (commencing in 2011) will outreach directly to male survivors and their loved ones. These efforts will serve as a major catalyst in raising social awareness that male sexual abuse is a serious social problem that deserves a comprehensive and system-wide programmatic response.
For more information about the Community Education and Outreach program visit:
MaleSurvivor pioneered this movement over two decades ago by providing resources and support for men who were sexually victimized as children, adolescents, or adults. This is another stellar group of dedicated leaders advocating form men sexually abused as boys. MaleSurvivor is committed to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through support, treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism. Leaders in the field since the 1990’s, MaleSurvivor has been moving forward on several fronts, from organizing National Conferences to creating this World Wide Web site and offering a rich array of resources.
Some of the resources you’ll find on the MaleSurvivor site:
Link to finding a support group worldwide:
Link to finding a therapist:
A stellar Newsletter, and archived copies:
The newsletter, Men Speak Out , is published quarterly and serves as a sounding board for survivors and for professionals working with survivors. Each issue features articles from both sides as well as reports on MaleSurvivor activities and announcements of MaleSurvivor events: weekends of recovery, conferences, etc. Our mission is to provide information about treatment issues and strategies as well as to provide a platform for survivors to express their concerns or share experiences with the member readership. Submissions and suggestions are always welcome.
Discussion Board and Chat Room
Articles by Professionals and other articles such as Informational and Supportive articles for survivors such as Be Silent No Longer, by Fred Tolson http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/bsnl.html
The Fred Toslon says, “The first thing you must understand is that you were not responsible for the abuse that was perpetrated upon you. Your self-defeating thought and behavior patterns stem from your sexual abuse. If you are to maximize your potential, the shame and secrecy of abuse must be destroyed. Be Silent No Longer can help you, but you must take the first step by breaking the silence and isolation that guards your secrets.”
MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recovery are open to any man 18 or older who been sexually victimized as child and/or as an adult.
The Weekends of Recovery were begun in 2001 by MaleSurvivor as an additional service to members to help them make further progress in their recovery. The weekends were designed to assist any adult survivor who was seeking further support in his recovery by being in the company of other male survivors. In addition, the weekends were designed to introduce additional tools men could use when they returned home to assist in making further headway in their recovery. The weekends are highly structured and professionally facilitated utilizing the highest professional standards available. Weekends of Recovery are facilitated by trained therapists, utilizing the same clinical boundaries and code of ethics as adopted by the American Psychological Association. The weekends are adjuncts to participants’ ongoing recovery work with individual and/or group psychotherapy, twelve step programs, and individual spiritual work, and are not meant to substitute for the participants’ local support systems that are consistent with their own recovery.
Network with other professionals facing the unique challenges of working with male survivors while also learning from men who are themselves healing from sexual victimization.
Some General Resources for Men Sexually abused as boys:
Resources on Oprah’s site:
Living Well UK has great resources for men worldwide:
Resources for Partners, Loved Ones and Allies in Healing
In our film Boys and Men Healing, two segments of the film focus on the issue of relationships and intimacy for male survivors of child sexual abuse. In one of the film’s segment, one partne speaks about the importance of “going on the journey (of healing) with the survivor”. This is what’s needed. But many partners need tools to understand the post-traumatic stress, fear of intimacy, lack of trust, and many issues the male survivor will face.
Here we offer a few valuable tools for partners of men sexually abused as boys, and for those allies in healing who are supporting a man on his journey toward wholeness:
Maybe you’re just beginning to learn about how sexual experiences in childhood could be having negative effects on a man you care about. Or how you can best support him.
This link will bring you to 1in6.org’s page specifically for loved ones and partners of men who had unwanted sexual experiences in childhood:
This link will bring you to a very informative and well-written article about the topic:
This link will bring you to a website specifically for partners:
Site: http://www.pasac.net/ Partners of Adults Sexually Abused as Children message board for Friends, Family and Partners of Rape and Sexual Assault survivors, and list of great resources for allies in Healing.